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The Lost Art of Listening
Second Edition
How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships

Michael P. Nichols

How Good a Listener Are You?

To help you become more aware of your own listening habits, complete the following questionnaire. Answer the questions honestly, and because we listen differently to different people, think of a specific person you have a relationship with when you answer these questions. You might want to do this twice, once with a family member in mind and once with a coworker or friend in mind.


When someone is talking to you, do you:

Make people feel that you're interested in them and what they have to say?
Think about what you want to say while others are talking?
Acknowledge what the speaker says before offering your own point of view?
Jump in before the other person has finished speaking?
Allow people to complain without arguing with them?
Offer advice before you're asked?
Concentrate on figuring out what other people are trying to say, not just respond to the words they use?
Share similar experiences of your own rather than inviting the speaker to elaborate on his or her experience?
Get other people to tell you a lot about themselves?
Assume you know what someone is going to say before he or she is finished?
Restate messages or instructions to make sure you understood correctly?
Make judgments about who is worth listening to and who isn't?
Make a concerted effort to focus on the speaker and understand what he or she is trying to say?
Tune out when someone starts to ramble on, rather than trying to get involved and make the conversation more interesting?
Accept criticism without getting defensive?
Think of listening as instinctive, rather than as a skill that requires making an effort?
Make an active effort to get other people to say what they think and feel about things?
Pretend to be listening when you're not?
Respect what other people have to say?
Feel that listening to other people complain is annoying?
Make effective use of questions to invite people to say what's on their minds?
Make distracting comments when other people are talking?
Think other people consider you to be a good listener?
Tell people you know how they feel?
Don't lose your cool when somebody gets angry at you?
This is an excerpt from Guilford Publications. The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships, by Michael P. Nichols. Copyright © 2009.